Drunk Foods

Everyone has their favorite go-to food when intoxicated. Usually it’s of the fried and carb-laden variety. I mean, how else are you supposed to sober up? Requirements for quality a drunk food establishment include:

Fast service: You can’t be making drunk people wait for food.
Fried options: To absorb all of that gut wrenching alcohol.
Atmosphere: You must blend in with the other guests, can’t be making a fool of yourself falling over in line for your cheese fries. If you pass out in a booth, you probably won’t be the only one.

For me it’s a grilled cheese and fries basket - add honey mustard, from The Purple Onion.. With an iced mint sweet tea. *omggg drool*

The Purple Onion is a staple of Birmingham cuisine that caters to the drunks. It’s open 24 hours a day seven days a week and specialized in everything from salads to burgers and gyros. There’s always a hunk of lamb behind the counter basking in its own juices, none of the staff speak English, and there’s a nacho cheese dispenser in plain view. How could you go wrong?

I’ve been a long time fan of their grilled cheese.. I love me a grilled cheese period! I don’t know what kind of mystery processed cheese or fat they use on these but they’re so good! I used to dunk them in ketchup (Hey, I was drunk here, and it’s like tomato soup!). One night long ago I got bold and decided to try some honey mustard, a condiment I’ve always held an irrational fear of due to my absolute hatred of mustard.

I don’t know what brand of honey mustard this is, where it comes from, or where it’s been. It is hands down the best honey mustard I’ve ever had. Nothing will ever beat how deliciously tangy, and creamy this stuff is.

I. Would. Eat. It. On. Anything.

Their fries – just your standard crinkle cut fries, but they are so coated with so much yummy seasoned salt goodness it could burn a hole in your tongue. That’s why you need the honey mustard for the fries too; the sweetness really balances things out!

Their mint sweet tea, OH MY YUM! You know mint tea; you drink it all hot with some honey when you have a sore throat. Yeah brew that mess up southern style with about two cups of sugar per gallon and you’re on your way to heaven in a styrofoam cup! Hell, throw the grilled cheese and fries in a to-go box and it’s like a meal floating on a cloud sent from above!

Man yall, just typing this I feel the need to throw down and few Jim Beam and Cokes followed by some Bud Lights so I can have an excuse to eat this!

I did learn my lesson from this.. obviously all of the karaoke-ing and drinking lead me to make some horrible choices in food and I actually GAINED weight last week. Oh noes.. No biggie though, you live and learn!